My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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