Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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