He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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