Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So much Jack, so little girl.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
