can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
