I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The power of my boobs compel you
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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