Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
