It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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