So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
