that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
