R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
