The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize
