That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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