i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My liver just had a heart attack.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
