Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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