you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
