My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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