I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
