I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
