so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I need to stop coming to work sober
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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