those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
