I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Quick, to the slutcave!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
