how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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