I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
