U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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