ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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