I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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