whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
