My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
