How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
