i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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