why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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