I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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