I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
