I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
