do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
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