I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
