I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.