when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins