this boner is exhausting
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
