dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.