When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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