We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
"it" just moved
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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