i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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