Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
