I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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