i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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