what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
