The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
