Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
