Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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