Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
