Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
