how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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