i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
