GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
3pm strippers are depressing
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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