I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
