got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
