apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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