so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
