It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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