I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
