you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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