You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though