The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that