dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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