Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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