I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
