evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We are all done wearing pants today
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
