i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
