I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
