Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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