Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
