Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
