when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
