Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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