you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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